How Not To Shop Page 12

  'Under the covers,' Ed insisted, pulling her in beside his naked body; 'get your fantastic arse into bed beside me.'

  His hands moved up over her buttocks, pushing the slip out of the way. 'Are you pleased?' he asked, pulling her in against his hairy chest.

  'With you?' she asked, 'Always.'

  'No! With Wonder Women. Are you happy with it?' he asked.

  'I think so, I think it's fine. Can we keep the heavy stuff out of the bedroom, please?' she asked, feeling with her fingertips for his pleasingly smooth and springy erection.

  He reached for the iPod control and changed the music. Something much more fruity began to fill the room: big, fat, sexy sax.

  'Mmmmm,' she breathed against his neck, 'I want to slow dance with you.'

  He slid the straps of her slip down from her shoulders, then teased the fabric over her breasts to expose them. Then he gave a lick to wet her nipples before blowing on them gently.

  'I like that,' she heard herself murmur.

  'I know,' he replied.

  'Are you going to go down . . . and do that there?'

  'Do you want me to?' he asked and blew on her nipple again.

  She could feel her toes flex just at the thought of him doing that there.

  'Uh-huh,' she agreed.

  He moved down and she lay back and let him do all the things he did to make her feel so liquid, molten, so very incredibly hot and breathless and turned on right . . . yes, there.

  He didn't just lick, he moved, he blew, he hummed and sometimes sang! Right there, right up against her, until her hands were wound into his hair and she was just about singing with pleasure herself.

  She was just . . . just about, almost . . . nearly. Definitely. No, not, yes . . . about to . . . when he stopped. Abruptly.

  'Don't!' she said urgently.

  'Just a second.'

  'No! Hello! You need to go back down there . . .' she insisted.

  'Trust me.'

  He leaned over, opened a drawer, took out a cable and attached it to the iPod.

  'Close your eyes,' he instructed.

  One moment later and Annie's eyes were wide open again and she sat bolt upright. Had he just . . . ?!!

  'Ed!?' she exclaimed.

  She was aware of a tingly buzz that wasn't coming from his lips. Wasn't coming from anything human.

  'Shhhhhhhh,' he told her, 'it's in time with the music.

  In Ed's hands she could see a small egg-shaped . . . vibrator.

  'Are we at the sex toy stage?' she asked.

  'You know I find it hard to resist a musical gadget,' he replied.

  'What is it?'

  A grin split Ed's face as he told her, 'This, baby, is the iPod-compatible iGasm.'

  'The iGasm?!' she repeated. 'Are you joking?'

  'Shhhhh,' he said, then reached over, turned out the sidelight and put the iGasm back to work.

  Now, he was good. But that . . . that was technologically advanced. It buzzed to the rhythm and she wanted to dance right along with it.

  She was damp and clinging to him now. Desperate for him to push inside as she felt every nerve ending pulse and come alive. 'Baby,' she breathed against his ear, 'you are so hot.'

  'Have you got your diaphragm in?' he murmured as his fingers slid against her.

  'Oh yeah . . . I came prepared.'

  'I wish you wouldn't.' He was moving inside her now, and she was so desperate to come, right, right, right now this very second, now.

  'Oh Ohhhhh,' she heard herself exhale against his ear.

  'Let's have a baby, Annie,' he said, holding her with every square inch of his body, pulling her right against him.

  It wasn't fair. It was like the opposite of torture, lovemaking someone into a decision. Orgasming them into submission.

  'Please, let's have a baby,' Ed repeated with the tension in his voice which told her he was going to come too.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Practical Bob:

  Green army vest with pockets (military kit store)

  Blue sweatshirt (M&S)

  Comfy jeans (M&S)

  Brown suede hiking boots (Timberland)

  Digital watch (Casio)

  Total est. cost: £230

  'We'll get you right.'

  Annie looked out of the window of Bob's car at the boring motorway scenery whizzing past. Today, the morning after the pilot screening, the Wonder Women were up early and on their way to Birmingham.

  Bob had come to collect her just before 7 a.m. so they could get out of London before the worst of the morning traffic. To Annie's not so great surprise, Finn, Miss Marlise, Svetlana and Nikki were all travelling up together in Finn's car.

  When Annie had first heard about the arrangements, she had wondered if she should worry that yet again Finn was keeping Miss Marlise and Svetlana together while leaving her out. But then she'd reasoned with herself that Bob lived much closer to her than anyone else and then tried not to mind about the arrangements any more.

  'So,' Bob had asked as soon as Annie had buckled herself into the front seat, 'did you enjoy seeing yourself on TV?'

  She'd given a little laugh and had to think about that for a moment.

  'I was a bit distracted by everything I did wrong and how I'd do it differently the next time,' she'd admitted. 'But for a minute or two, when it went right, when we got a good moment . . . yeah, I was chuffed,' was her honest reply.

  'What did you think?' she'd asked him.

  'Lots of things went well, a few things went tits up,' he answered. 'You're right to worry about how you did. That's exactly how you should be thinking. Yes, there were a few novice moments,' he hadn't been able to resist saying. 'Never point your big bum at the camera, for one! I can't believe they didn't edit that out. But we'll work on it. We'll get you right. I think you've got a real future ahead of you.'

  She'd beamed at him. Beamed, because really deep down, in her heart of hearts, wouldn't she like that? A big future ahead of her in television?

  'What's Finn said to you?' Bob had asked when they made the transition onto the motorway.

  'Well . . .'

  Finn had phoned her last night and she'd expected him to say something a bit more than, 'Did you watch it? Good stuff,' before moving on to talk about the travel arrangements to Birmingham.

  'Not a lot,' she had to admit.

  'Not to me either,' Bob told her. 'Hard to tell what he's thinking. The channel seems so keen, but he doesn't seem to be able to squeeze any more money out of them. He's asked me to lower my day rate for the last week.'

  'Am I allowed to know what he's paying you?' Annie had to ask.

  When she heard, she couldn't stop herself from spluttering: 'Bloody hell!!'

  'I know, it's not good, is it?' Bob thought she was sympathizing.

  Annie wanted to laugh out loud. She was going to earn in a month what Bob was picking up in three days! Just like crime, fame so obviously didn't pay.

  The mobile in her handbag burst into life, and a glance at the screen told her it was Svetlana again.

  'Annah! My phone not stop ringing since the show go on air! So many old friends contact me to say how much they love it. Finn, he's beside me in the carrrr, his phone ringing all the time too. People love the show, Annah! It is so exciting! Vhy you not in the car with us listening to all these good things?' she asked.

  'I'm driving up with Bob,' Annie explained.

  Svetlana gave that peculiar noise she used to express disapproval. 'Tcha! It's not good. You not go home with Bob, you come in car with us. Nikki go with Bob,' she commanded.

  'Now, vat I have to tell you . . .' Svetlana's voice sounded full of suppressed excitement, which was of immediate concern to Annie. There were only a few things that really excited the Ukrainian: and they were all related to mega-wealthy men and their mega money.

  'Guess who phone me last night? At home on my personal number?'

  'Igor?' Annie ventured, 'Igor Potato-face the Third?' she asked because if Svetlana w
as even thinking about a reunion, she needed to be reminded what a horror Igor had been.

  'No! Igor. Tcha!' Svetlana made the disdainful noise again. 'No. A very interesting man. Also Ukrainian. He's called Uri and he has hedge fund, is vorth millions and he vants to take me to dinner!'

  'Do you know him?' Annie asked.

  'Yes, yes. He say we meet many times at parties when I am Igor's wife.'

  'And he's never phoned you before?'

  'No! And he get my home number! No-one has my home number. Everyone use my mobile. He loved the show.'

  'He watches the Home Sweet Home channel?!' To Annie it didn't seem very likely.

  'He hear from someone that I going to be on television, he find out about it and so . . . he is a very interesting man. He is going to take me out to celebrate my first appearance on television.'

  'Erm . . .' Annie knew she was going to have to point out the obvious thing here: 'but darlin', does Harry know? Is Harry going along?' she ventured. 'You have told Mr Deep Pockets that you're getting married in a few weeks' time, haven't you?'

  'Oh Annie!' Svetlana breathed an exasperated sigh, 'you not understand how it vorks. You never understand how it vorks.'

  Chapter Sixteen

  Tina pre-makeover

  Grey turtle neck (Gap)

  Black jeans (Gap)

  Black ankle boots (Dolcis)

  Total est. cost: £130

  'I'm not good at clothes or make-up.'

  'And that's everyone else arriving now.' Annie stood up and looked out of the window at the silver 4 × 4 pulling up in the street in front of Tina Balotti's flat.

  She and Bob had arrived here half an hour earlier, so they'd had coffee with Tina and found out a little about her while trying to put her at ease. Tina was younger than Annie had expected. But then all Annie had been told was: 'Single mum, lives with her little girl, works full-time, contacted us herself.'

  Then Finn had shown her a snapshot of a girl in a white duvet coat with long, wispy black hair and a sweetheart-shaped face.

  'I think she's going to scrub up very, very well,' Finn had added. 'I think she'll be our knockout. She's got a good figure, a nice face, she just doesn't know how to make the most of herself. But by the time you three have finished with her . . .'

  It turned out Tina was only 24, but she already had a 3-year-old daughter, her own flat and a full-time job. The flat was tiny but as it was only a few years old, it was bright, light and comfortable. Annie and Bob had squeezed onto the little sofa together as Tina served them mugs of coffee.

  'Where's your gorgeous little girl?' Annie had asked, pointing at one of the many photos dotted all over the room.

  'She's at my mum's today,' Tina replied. 'She does two days at nursery and three with her gran.'

  'And you've got the day off. Lucky you!' Annie told her. 'You're going to have a fantastic time.'

  The question 'So why did you get in touch with us?' had proved a little tricky for Tina to answer.

  She'd shyly fumbled her way through an answer: 'Oh, I'm not good at clothes or make-up . . . I don't go out much . . . I mean, I'd like to go out more, but . . . since I've had Julia, I've been hidden away and I think I want to get out now . . . kind of.'

  'Great!' Annie had encouraged. 'We're here to help you, give you all the good advice we can think of.'

  Now that Finn and the others had arrived, Annie decided to go out and greet them.

  Miss Marlise stepped down from the car, took one look around and declared, 'Oh my God, what a dump!'

  Admittedly, Tina's block of flats was the only new one on the street; the rest looked as if they could do with some care and attention. But still.

  'It could be worse,' Annie reminded her. At this Finn handed her a holdall and said, 'Better not leave anything in the car round here.'

  When Annie realized she was carrying Marlise's holdall, while Marlise marched towards the house empty handed, she felt like dumping the bag down there and then.

  But then Svetlana was at her side, wrapped in another fur coat because her high heels and glamorous dresses really didn't stand up to the chilly weather.

  'Vhat the makeover voman like?' she wondered.

  'Shy . . . quite sweet.'

  'Another saddo?' Marlise turned to ask, having overheard Svetlana's question.

  Annie wasn't sure how to reply to this because Cath, Jody and Tina hadn't struck her as 'saddos'. They were all just looking for the little push to take them to the next stage.

  'She had a baby at twenty-one or something?' Miss Marlise snorted. 'Isn't that a bit sad?'

  'Well . . .' Annie began, her hand gripping Miss Marlise's luggage, 'but she's got a flat, a job, her daughter's lovely. She just wants to get out more.'

  'A mum at twenty-one. Talk about your life being over before it's begun,' Miss Marlise went on. 'What the hell am I going to be able to do for her?'

  Leaving Annie open-mouthed in surprise, Miss Marlise marched ahead of them, her high-heeled patent boots rapping on the concrete path.

  'I had my daughter at twenty-one!' Annie hissed at Svetlana, 'and I loved every moment of it.'

  'Is very different if you have lovely man there with you. This girl single,' Svetlana pointed out. 'Verrrry different.'

  By then they were at the doorway to Tina's home so there wasn't time for any more discussion.

  Everyone was squeezed into the sitting room and introduced to Tina, who seemed to shrink a little with shyness.

  After only a few moments of small talk, it was time for Finn to bring out his clipboard and get the shooting schedule started.

  'If we do Tina with Svetlana and Miss Marlise first,' he began, making a quick check on his watch, 'the four of us will be able to check into the hotel and plan for our shoot tomorrow morning, which would be great, wouldn't it, girls?' He looked up at them for confirmation.

  'Bob and Annie, if you do the shopping session afterwards you'll have all afternoon with Tina, you won't need to rush, and if it goes on past close of play, Bob,' Finn's voice dropped, 'obviously you bill me for the extra . . . How does that sound?' he asked cheerfully. 'Good? All happy? Wicked! Nikki, let's get Tina ready to roll.'

  Svetlana's approach was quite interesting, Annie had to admit as she peeped out from the kitchen to see what was going on in the sitting room. Together, they were looking through Tina's photo albums, but flicking quickly past any cute baby and toddler shots of Julia and homing in on Tina's old boyfriends.

  'This Julia's father?' Svetlana asked.

  When Tina nodded in reply, Svetlana made her 'Tcha' sound.

  'Big man,' Svetlana added. 'Can be frightening, no?'

  Tina nodded again.